and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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