I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
