thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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