How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
