Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
