can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
