does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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