I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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