I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so let's talk penis.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?