Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom