just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did I show you my penis last night?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
