VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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