Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
