I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize