Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
