she was so not down for the gang bang
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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