Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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