Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
