He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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