areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
