at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
