my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
