I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
