We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
