it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
