I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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