your thong is hanging out like whoa
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
