so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize