Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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