the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
