Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
