i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
