Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
