We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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