we have pet lesbian snakes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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