Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
