i jhust puked up my retainher.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
