I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
