Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
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Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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