he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
