I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
