you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
