Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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