How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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