I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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