Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
