I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize