happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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