I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
