Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I could fuck to npr.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
