i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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