There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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