four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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