If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
