I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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