So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize