My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
