You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
