I hate all girls vehemently.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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