I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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