does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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