I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
