i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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