As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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