Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize