She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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