My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
