I can't breathe out the right side of my face
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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