I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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