I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there was a trapeze. enough said
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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