I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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