dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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